And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize