so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
