the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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