my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize