If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
