When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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