i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
