If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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