If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
