you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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