Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
