"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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