So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
