I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
