I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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