This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
