Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
