You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
