Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
