Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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