I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
