Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
birth control should be required to get into college
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize