wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
