Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
handjob tips. give me some.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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