hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
