I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
