Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
