At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
