I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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