No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
