i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize