ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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