I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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