smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
