I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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