please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Still dying that you shit outside
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
