11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
