I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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