Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize