I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
