Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
