We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
