one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize