i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dignity is for republicans.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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