You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
