'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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