If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
