she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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