Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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