she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
