if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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