I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
