My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
