Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
