Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
