today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
