I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
