he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
