strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize