Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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