ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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