in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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