i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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