Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
