um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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