Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
