In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
