Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
