I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
