Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
