I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
