So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
