I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
