First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
