He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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