When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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