She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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