I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
