so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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