just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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