Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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