I didn't shave. On purpose
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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