i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
