I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
