I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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