I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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