Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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