Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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