i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
