So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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