life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
