Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
