some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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