he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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