When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
