I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
