you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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