He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
