I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
